K ... my life is not to interesting. I spend most of my time hiding from the GREAT BLACK HOLE
( otherwise known as depression). I find it very challenging to throw myself out of bed each morning , particularly in the wintertime, (SAD= seasonal affected disorder) and am in an ongoing battle not to go on anti-depressant meds( which by the way never worked for me in the past and am not willing to go through the gambit of >>>>"no that one doesn't work for me .... "Ms. Bryan let's try this one " game for the millionth time " till we get it right scenario. Right now , i know it's not very encouraging but I miss my kids drastically and am i desperately love sick for my grand kids and a closeness i have never received but want to create in my kids but don't know how cause i have never experienced it as a child, and the time I have with them is limited. I want to know that my kids are HAPPY. Also I worry that they are treating their Husbands/ Wives respectfully and lovingly, the way that Jehovah has taught them to, ( I am not the best example ). And that they are being treated lovingly and with respect.
I wake up at about one in the morning worrying about how Kenny is doing, how Becca is , how Christina is feeling if Even is taking care of her and if Pat really misses me , and if Julie will love him forever and if Mike will be happy in the future and will make the right decisions . How Mike will pay for his health care, his car insurance if he will be truly happy. I wonder if my kids will ever forgive me for not doing more for them spiritually and physically, and for not protecting them from things that I never ever dreamed would happen... but did.And how it now effects them.
I wonder if my grand kids will ever really know how much I love them and want them to be safe, i want to be there to play with them , have close mom mom talks with them .... spend time listening to them ... REALLY listening to them and Hugging them and to have a truly happy life FOREVER.
Welll There it is ... the mundane part is that I go to work , and come home ... but it is at the wee hours of the morning that the real deal.... the true concerns that I have come out... and I can't do anything but pray about them.
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Deep down in your heart you know we love you , you know that your grandkids love you, I know how I am , I just need reassurance .... So here is yours we love and miss you and I never think of what could have happened or what didn't happen... I try to think of what need to happen in order to please Jehovah and my Family.....If you think about that then other things will not matter all that much... Go through everyday one step at a time and that is how I function... Well we love you and miss you an hope to come up in March....
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